he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
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