Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
