STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
