Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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