college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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