I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
