i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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