he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Couch. On fire.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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