Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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