see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Someone shit on the floor
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
