you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
