whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
