Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
