i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
