he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i think my mom watched the whole time
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Dear god my vagina.
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