apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
