Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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