Have you finally orgasmed yet?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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