HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
