either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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