Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
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you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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