haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
