Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
