Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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