So drunk, too bad you don't want this
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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