By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
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