yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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