Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
