your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
