I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
