I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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