sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
