another moral hangover. fuck.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she smelled like a LAN party
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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