What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
