Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
