...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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