we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
