He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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