the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
