can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
third nipple confirmed
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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