Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
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Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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