It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
