I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
