hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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