You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
