No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He has the fingertips of a God
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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