I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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