K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
