Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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