no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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