Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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