Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
