apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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