I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
