You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Randomize
