I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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