i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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