I want to have your abortion
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I lost the right to judge tonight
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
