I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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