I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
