Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
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