My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
