I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Shame is for Republicans.
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