ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You are a genius and a whore.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
