i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
