i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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